I haven't cried since my dog died in 2001. But on Saturday when Ty and I decided to part ways i had a good sob. I didn't expect it to hurt that much considering how our relationship had gone into a bit of a decline. Still it's for the best etc.

Now that he's worked his way up to a great body and some measure of independance he doesn't have to settle for someone like me. The world is his mollusc etc.

Hey this self-pity thing is quite a lark.

It's times like these I realise how I have lost touch with all my friends from uni. I was hanging with Ty's friends for a while but it would be uncomfortable to be around them now. Seems to be a recurring pattern in my life. Ie from Primary School -> Highschool; Highschool -> uni; Uni -> real life. I keep losing touch with mates. At least it's not too late to renew acquaintances with the guys. I'm not really a social person anyway. I am very guarded with my feelings etc.

Fran and I had a good long chat last night. He was very understanding etc. For a guy I have never met I feel like we could be great mates. But I don't want a relationship so soon after a failed one. We're going to see Harry Potter on Monday. Seems like an innocent outing.

Meanwhile I wasted a lot of money I shouldn't have by buying an MP3 player for my car and some new front speakers. I have a tendency to splurge on luxuries such as this while cost cutting on other more necessary items. Like saving for my next car service (front struts need to be replaced).

I get really envious when I talk to people who lived with their parents while going to uni. They didn't have to work all the time to pay rent and groceries etc. Consequently they come out with a degree and some savings. I know theres nothing I can do about it but it just makes me mad. My parents were great during uni. They gave all they could which I felt guilty about as my sister got into the Defence Force academy and hence was no burden at all. They were even going to get a loan to pay my way (on top of the mortgage) but I couldn't let that happen. So I worked my arse off at Safeway and at other cash jobs. I managed to pay my HECS up front the first 3 years. I think this makes me proud; as if I earnt my degree. Sure I didn't come out with honors like other people did and I had to spread the last 2 years over 3 so I could work more but it was a great introduction to my future life as lower-middle class.

The govt was no help at all. Basically the only way you could get youth allowance was to live at home. The system is so biased towards those families who live hand to mouth instead of saving and paying their own way. I got a grand total of $150 of rent assistance and youth allowance, and about $500 by trading my potential youth allowance (which I was never going to get) for a DEET loan. Which I am still paying back.

The End.
- posted by Lach @ 09:33